


You Are My Rescue

by SherlockWolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Possession, Consensual Possession, Destiel - Freeform, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Possession, Torture, dean realizes he's been an idiot, implied sexual violence, season 13, spn family saves cas from hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 01:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13020180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: A fic that takes place in non-canon season 13, where the Winchester family goes to Hell to rescue Castiel. They manage to escape without any losses. Cas and Dean have "the talk" because a certain baby Nephilum needs some answers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title based on the song "rescue" by seabird (and a destiel vid comes with it, woo!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJkeiwmA9g  
> so as i was tagging this i realized that for some readers this fic might have dark material related to violence/torture. if it at all makes you uncomfortable, that's okay, feel free to drop it like it's hot.   
> **spoiler**   
> the sexual violence is //implied// and there's only some rough kissing actually written.
> 
> as always thanks for reading and if there are any grammar/spelling errors or wonkiness let me know!

    Dean fished his phone from his pocket with one hand, keeping Baby on track with the other. He tapped out Cas’ number, and brought the phone to his ear. It almost went to voicemail before Cas finally picked up.

“Hey, Cas. We found Jack. And we got mom back.”

“Good. Where are you? I’ll meet you there.”

“We’re headed back to the bunker.”

    Cas hung up on him which was both rude and weird. Dean was so used to hanging up first. Whatever Cas was doing, he must be in a hurry.

    Dean had been less than thrilled for Cas to run off after Jack. It irked him how long the angel had been away without checking in. Phone calls were nice, but Dean needed to see Cas _alive_ once in a while. They’d have to talk about it.

    When they reached the bunker, they found a dark-haired, trench-coated figure standing outside the door, waiting.

“Okay. That’s weird.” Sam said.

    Dean was thinking the same thing. Not once had Cas _waited_ outside for them. He always went inside. Because he knew where the spare key was.

    Whoever was standing there was posing as Cas, probably to capture Jack.

“Guns ready.” Dean commanded.

    He, Sam, and Mary cocked their weapons.

“Jack, stay in the car.”

“I can help—.” The kid began to protest, but Dean was already headed out, gun pointing at the stranger.

“Hands up!” He bellowed, and the person whirled around, grinning.

    The man standing there, wearing Cas’ coat, was definitely _not_ Cas. But the Winchesters didn’t have time to do anything before a second person, this man dressed in a white tuxedo with long, combed back hair, appeared next to the imposter.

“Evenin’, Winchesters. Allow me to introduce myself.” The newcomer said in a southern drawl, “My name is Asmodeus. I am the current King of Hell, formerly a Prince. I am here to bargain with you for that there boy.”

    Asmodeus pointed at the Impala where, with a quick glance, Dean saw that Jack had thankfully stayed put.  

“No deal.” Sam told the demon without hesitation.

“Ah, but you haven’t heard my terms. I’m wagering somethin’ mighty fine. Your angel.” Asmodeus said, a nasty smile widening on his face as he caught Dean’s confused reaction.

“Cas is fine.” Dean snapped, but Asmodeus laughed.

“No, your angel’s been in Hell with his brother, Lucifer. But I take it you liked my phone calls? _Hello, Dean. Have you found Jack yet_?” Asmodeus imitated Cas’ voice flawlessly.

    Things clicked into place for Dean. Cas hadn’t sounded right on the phone since he’d left. Demons must have captured him as soon as he left. Though how Lucifer was there, Dean didn’t know. He wasn’t sure what had led Cas to being captured, either, but if it had to do with the archangel…

    But they couldn’t just give up Jack for Cas. The chance of this demon actually going through with the deal was slim, too.

“No deal.” Dean repeated, and Asmodeus’ face fell.

“Your angel’s sufferin’, in Hell. Don’t you wanna save him?”

“I’ll do it on my own terms, thanks.” Dean snarled.

    The idea of Cas being tortured in Hell made his stomach curl.

“Bring the boy with you, or you’ll never see him again.” Asmodeus threatened, then he and the imposter vanished.


	2. Chapter 2

“How are we gonna save Castiel?” Jack asked.

    The four of them were sitting around the living room table, books and laptops open in search of how to get into Hell.

“First of all, you’re staying here. And you, too.” Dean said, pointing at Mary, “Neither of you are going and that’s final.”

“I can handle myself.” Jack argued, but Sam shook his head.

“No, Jack. I’m sorry. We can’t risk the demons—or Lucifer—getting a hold of you. You either, mom.”

“We have those tattoos. And what about you boys? What makes you think you’ll be better without us?” Mary set her beer on the table and glared at her sons.

“Mom, we just spent the last month believing you were dead. I’m not gonna let that happen again.”

“And I don’t want to lose you either, Dean. I’d be more comfortable going along instead of playing babysitter to Lucifer’s son.”

“You need me, too. I can get us in and out.” Jack piped up, and the three Winchesters looked at him.

“You can?” Dean asked incredulously.

“I have wings like the angels. I can fly us in and out.”

“Dean, he has a point.” Sam shrugged.

“Okay, but let’s assume that Hell is booby-trapped against angels, meaning that if Jack pops in, they’ll know immediately. Or worse, they’ll kill him and us before we even land.”

“They want Jack to show up. The place won’t be warded against Nephilim.”

    Dean glared at Sam, but he was right, so was Jack, and so was Mary. Their chances of getting in and out unscathed and quickly increased with Jack and Mary. They could go in teams to find Cas. Dean sighed and gave in to the logic behind the idea.

“Alright. Let’s do this.”


	3. Chapter 3

    This part of Hell Dean could stand. The “upper level”, where Crowley’s throne was and the human souls were not. The decorations were almost pleasant—very Halloweeny. It didn’t bring him horrifying flashbacks of the years he spent mutilating souls, well on his way to demonhood, which he’d ended up experiencing anyway.

    Jack’s arrival had spurred a battle, as expected. At first the demons had tried to get the group to go to the throne room and meet with Asmodeus, but once the Winchesters began to fight them, the demons responded in kind.

    The amount of demons that greeted them was small compared to the thousands Dean knew crawled around Hell. It meant that there were bound to be groups of them throughout the hallways, and probably bunches of them guarding Cas.

    Dean was tempted to tell Jack and Mary to bail, but they had held their own just fine against the first batch. Since their enemies were all demons, Dean wasn’t really worried about Jack hitting a bystander with his mojo.

    He just had to have faith in his family.

    They battled their way down a few more corridors before finally reaching the prisons of the upper level. At the first fork in the tunnel they split up. Sam and Jack went one way while Dean and Mary went the other.

    There was a quiet hour or so where he and Mary ran into very few demons and passed many empty cells. Finally, they found one with an occupant. Lucifer.

“Dean! I’m so glad to see you. Help a brother out.” Lucifer crowed as soon as he saw them.

    Dean froze in front of the cell, fury boiling in his chest. This angel had killed Cas, gotten Mary trapped in the apocalypse world, had ended Kelly Kline’s life, and had brought an innocent yet immensely powerful child into being. Amoung everything he’d done the last time he’d been released from the cage.

    Dean hated Lucifer with every fiber of his being. There was no way he was going to let that monster out.

“I can help you find Castiel!” Lucifer hollered as Dean moved on without a word.

    Dean almost hesitated, but Mary grabbed his arm and dragged him forward.

“We can’t afford to listen to him.” She said through gritted teeth.

    Dean agreed.

    A few minutes went by before they came upon a set of wooden doors. They were locked with an iron chain, which Dean and Mary removed as quietly as possible. Dean cracked the door open and looked inside while Mary kept watch.

    The room was dimly lit and cold air wafted through the opening in the door. A wooden table sat against the wall Dean could see, covered in tools and instruments that he instantly recognized. This room was a torture chamber.

    Then Dean noticed the color of the light, and swung the door open, gun raised.

    Against the wall opposite the doors a man was hung, iron chains attached to each wrist and ankle. The chains were stretched so that the man was suspended in the air. His naked body was covered in wounds, some that sliced to the bone. Pieces of metal stuck out of him in various places. And seeping from every wound, creating the light in the room, was white-blue essence.

    Grace.

“Cas.” Dean choked out, lowering his gun and rushing across the room to the angel.

    He stopped in front of Cas, afraid to touch him. The angel was trembling violently from the amount of pain he was in. Dean guessed that the chains were warded so that Cas couldn’t heal himself. He inspected them for any sign of marks. As he did, he discovered that the chains were not only attached to cuffs around Cas’ wrists and ankles, but had extended spikes that were dug through the flesh, muscle, and bone of each hand and foot.

    Dean felt sick.

“Cas, can you hear me?” He whispered, reaching for the angel’s face.

“No.” Cas grunted fearfully as Dean gently lifted his bloodied head.

    Was he mistaking Dean for his torturer? Then he saw that Cas’ eyes were solid, pupil-less blue and knew he was. Could the angel even see?

“Dean, we need to hurry.” Mary hissed from beside him.

    Dean hadn’t even registered her approach, but she was right. They needed to get Cas out of this contraption so they could find Sam and Jack.

“Yes, leave.” Cas whispered, sounding no more aware of the situation.

“Cas?” Dean tried again, as Mary did her own inspection of the chains.

“They should just unhook.” She mumbled.

“I’ll kill you.” Cas babbled.

    Dean let go of his head, but the angel continued to gaze sightlessly ahead of him. Dean looked around for anything to stand on so he could reach the ceiling, but found nothing. Then he saw on the table was an enormous pair of metal cleavers. Perfect.

    Just as he took a step toward the table, the rushing sound of demons appearing met his ears. He, Mary, and Cas were now surrounded by demons. From the group, one stood out with his white suit. Asmodeus.

“Well, if it isn’t our heroes.” Asmodeus chuckled, stepping into Dean’s space with an angel blade held loosely in his hands.

    Mary yelped behind him, and Dean dared to glance over at her. Two demons had grabbed her, and a third was pressing a knife to her throat. Two demons stepped up from beside Asmodeus and Dean’s own arms were taken captive. His gun clattered to the floor.

    In response to a gesture from Asmodeus, the demons readjusted Mary and Dean so that they were facing Cas. The King of Hell approached the angel and dragged the tip of the blade against his skin, not slicing in, but pressing enough that Cas’ breathing accelerated in fearful anticipation.

“Don’t.” Dean snapped, as Asmodeus pressed the flat of the blade against Cas’ cheek.

“Did you bring me the boy?” The demon asked without turning around.

“Yes.”

    Dean sincerely hoped Jack and Sam were far away from this room.

“Then where is he?” Asmodeus growled.

    And he sliced a gash in Cas’ cheek.

    Cas screamed, a sound that sent Dean’s heart into a frenzy of panic.

“He’s here! In Hell!” Mary yelled, her voice betraying that she was just as afraid as Dean.

“I know, but you did something to him. I can’t find him.” Asmodeus turned and placed the blade against Dean’s face.

    Cas’ hot blood dripped down his cheek, falling on his lips and sliding down his shirt. Dean couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t _do_ anything. This situation was quickly becoming a dead end. Literally.

“It’s not our fault you’re incompetent.” Mary hissed.

    Dean wished she’d kept her mouth shut.

“ _Incompetent_?” Asmodeus snapped, and without looking he swung the blade.

    A new slash appeared on Cas’ chest. The angel shrieked in pain.

“Stop!” Dean screamed, desperate for no more harm to come to Cas.

    But there was nothing he could do. Nothing…unless…

“Lucifer can find him.” Dean said confidently.

    Asmodeus’ eyes lit up.

“Yes…you’re right.”

    The snapped his fingers, and five demons rushed out of the room. They came back a moment later with a squirming Lucifer trapped among them. They brought him up to the front so that he was next to Dean.

“Oh, little bro. Not in a good shape, are you?” Lucifer said upon seeing Cas.

    Cas didn’t respond. He didn’t seem to even hear him.

“Jack is here. Find him.” Asmodeus commanded the archangel, who grinned at the news.

“My boy is _here?_ In Hell? Well this is a good day for me. Who brought him? Who do I thank?” Lucifer crowed, and he looked over at Dean and Mary, grinning.

“It was you guys, wasn’t it.” He said, without waiting for Asmodeus to tell him as much.

“Find. Him.” Asmodeus repeated, and he placed the angel blade against Lucifer’s neck.

    Didn’t he know that a regular blade wouldn’t do anything to the devil?

“Oh, I already have.” Lucifer said.

    His eyes landed on Cas again, then on Dean.

“If I help you, will you promise to not cage me up again? Pretty please, with a cherry on top?” He asked, making a mock-pleading face.

“You can’t do anything. You’re weak.” Asmodeus said.

    Dean didn’t like the sound of that. If Lucifer didn’t have any power, they were screwed.

“Help us.” Mary said to Lucifer, sounding sure of her response.

    Dean gave her a look that implied she was out of her mind, but Mary didn’t give anything away in her expression.

“Okay.” Lucifer said gleefully.

    His eyes glowed red for a moment, and then…Nothing. Dean wasn’t surprised. He’d hoped Lucifer could at least call Jack, but it seemed like he couldn’t even do that.

“Amusing.” Asmodeus snapped.

    He turned to cut Cas again, and the angel’s scream cut straight to Dean’s soul.

“I said stop!” He roared, his body shaking with fury.

    Dean wanted to kill Asmodeus so, _so_ much for harming Cas. Maybe even more than he wanted to kill Lucifer.

    Asmodeus wiped the blade clean on Dean’s other cheek, and more of Cas’ blood fell into his mouth. The demon smiled sickeningly. Dean didn’t like the look in his eyes.

“Dean Winchester. If I remember correctly, it was this angel that took you from Hell? You were a fine specimen. Alistair had a good time teaching you his ways, and you were his prized student. Do you still remember your training?”

    Dean didn’t answer him. He couldn’t have, even if he wanted to. His body was moving of its own accord. The demons who held him released him, and Asmodeus began to laugh. He held out the angel blade, and Dean’s hand took it.

“Go on. Show us what you know.”

    Dean’s hand began to carve Cas’ skin with the blade. Not cutting deep, but just cutting the top layer so that the angel would _hurt_. A thin line of blood and grace trailed after the blade, beginning at Cas’ navel and ending at his neck, where Dean stopped.

“I seem to remember your style being a little more…erotic.”

    Asmodeus’ voice was disembodied, like white noise. Dean understood it, hated what it said, but the horror of what his body was doing without his permission was consuming him. He could do nothing to stop it. Asmodeus had unlocked a monster within him.

    Dean’s free hand grabbed Cas’ hair and yanked his neck back, exposing his throat. He traced Cas’ jugular with the blade, ran his tongue over the resulting blood, and heard himself say something lewd.

    This time, Cas not only heard him, but he recognized him.

“Dean.” The angel whispered, his voice barely a breath.

    Dean’s body leaned forward and captured Cas’ lips in a rough kiss. Dean dragged his teeth along Cas’ bottom lip before letting go and returning to his knife work. The taste of blood filled his mouth.

    Dean wanted to _die._

    The thing was, he and Cas had been in this position before. Dean in Hell, having had enough of being the tortured, had become the torturer. And Cas, in Hell to rescue Dean, was the victim. He’d been captured and brought to Dean, who had become a master of the craft. A craft where Dean not only damaged souls with various knives, but with his hands, lips, and teeth, too. Cas had endured that torture for years.

    Little had the demons known that Cas had been there to save him. And save him he had. While Dean had carved and cut up his vessel, Cas had whispered words of love, encouragement, and hope. He brought Dean around to the realization that he was there to save him. And then, he had.

    Now, it was up to Dean to get them out of Hell.

    And he was helpless.

    His body continued to slice Cas’, and just as before, the angel began to whisper words of love to him. Only love, though. In fact, Cas was repeating one phrase, over and over, in between gasps or screams of pain.

_“I love you, Dean Winchester.”_

    Vaguely, Dean was aware of the sounds of battle behind him, but he neither registered nor understood what those sounds meant. His mind was starting to go into lockdown, listening to Cas’ words while his body continued to harm the angel.

    The second time he bit Cas’ with a kiss, the angel kissed back, bit back. The torturer-instincts raged at this, but, trapped in his mind, Dean began to feel hope. If Cas was aware enough to act of his own accord, perhaps he knew the situation they were in and could help, somehow.

    But then Cas let go.

    Dean’s body couldn’t resist kissing him again, though, after a few more seconds of knife work. After Cas had whispered a simple word.

_“Yes.”_

_Yes._ Dean thought absently.

    This time, something unexpected happened.

    Dean’s vision went black as a strange feeling overtook him. He became hyper aware of the flow of blood in his body, in and out of his heart, around to every cell, and back. An airy, tingling sensation followed, in which he felt the coursing blood thicken and his vessels swell.

    Then his vision came back.

    Cas’ body had fallen limp. But Cas was no longer in it. He was inside every cell of Dean’s body. Dean could _feel_ him.

    The battle Cas waged against Dean’s brainwashing was brief, then the angel was in control. Dean didn’t protest, plenty happy to ride shotgun with Cas.

    Cas turned and began to stab and smite any demon he could get his hands on. Dean’s family and Lucifer had managed to kill most, and with Cas’ help, no more demons came through the door.

    Cas, angel blade still in hand, stalked up to Lucifer and pressed the weapon against the archangel’s neck.

“You. Disgust. Me.” Cas snarled, but then he let Lucifer go.

“Yeah, well, you’re wearing your boyfriend’s clothes. That’s a little weird, don’t you think?” Lucifer shot back, but Cas had already made his way back to his body.

    He looked down at the ground, and found Asmodeus’ dead vessel lying close to the pedestal. He nudged it with Dean’s foot and snorted with satisfaction.

“Dean? What the hell happened?” Sam asked, and Cas looked up to see Sam making his way over to them.

“Asmodeus unlocked his desire to torture.” Cas answered, but Sam didn’t understand what he was talking about.

“Who’s desire?”

“Dean’s.” Cas answered, then moved to the table where he grabbed the shears.

“Help me cut him down.” Cas told Sam as he handed him the shears.

    Sam shook his head, completely confused at what he believed to be Dean’s behaviour. But he helped cut the chains while Cas used Dean’s body to catch the weight of his own. Every so often Cas would glance across the room where Lucifer, Mary, and Jack stood, making sure that Lucifer hadn’t tried to run off with his son. Mary was also keeping an eye on Lucifer, which was reassuring. As soon as Cas’ body was free, Sam helped him carry it to where the others were.

“Castiel.” Jack said, smiling as he placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Jack, what…?”

    Sam and Mary were still lost, but Cas would have time to explain when they were safe.

“Take us home.” Cas commanded Jack, adding, “not you,” as Lucifer made a move to grab Jack’s sleeve.

    Lucifer made a pleading face, but Cas ignored him. Once rest of them were touching, Jack’s eyes glowed and they flew back to the bunker.


	4. Chapter 4

    They landed in the bunker’s war room. Immediately, Sam and Cas rushed away with Cas’ body to the hospital of the bunker. Jack, Mary, and unsurprisingly Lucifer, followed behind. They set Cas’ body on one of the cots. Blood began to soak into the sheets, and Sam quickly began gathering salves and gauze.

    Cas pushed Jack and Mary aside to grab Lucifer, and he shoved the archangel against the nearest wall, angel blade once again at his neck.

“I should kill you.” Cas said, letting his hatred color his words.

“But you haven’t. Why?”

“Because I found out the hard way that angel blades don’t work.”

“They still hurt.” Lucifer whined.

“I have half a mind to let Dean torture you.” Cas threatened.

 _Cas, don’t._ Dean cautioned with his thoughts, not wanting Cas to actually do that.

    Cas reassured him with emotions rather than words that he was bluffing.

“Dean! Cas isn’t breathing.” Sam called out.

    Cas had Mary hold the blade against Lucifer and brought Jack as far across the room as he could from his father. Then he inspected his body. The sight of it was shocking, and Cas began to feel Dean’s nausea. All the same, he placed a hand on one of the cuts on his face and focused his grace over the area. Dean’s hand and the wound glowed as Cas’ grace reached out to it. Slowly but surely, the wound began to sow itself up, cell by cell.

“How the hell are you _doing_ that?” Sam asked.

    Cas explained that he had possessed Dean while the rest of them had been fighting demons.

“Dean let you?”

“Of course he did.”

    Cas was annoyed at Sam’s disbelief, but Dean found it amusing.

“Is that like, a kink that you guys have?” Lucifer said from across the room.

    Cas glared at him with the force of his and Dean’s exasperation. Everyone else ignored Lucifer’s comment.

“What happens if you can’t heal your body?” Mary asked.

“We’ll figure it out.” Sam told her.

    Cas’ anxiety at the idea of not being able to heal himself filled Dean’s body.

 _Like Sam said, we’ll handle it._ Dean tried to comfort him.

_I know._

Cas continued to work while Sam and Mary took Lucifer to the dungeon and locked him up. They weren’t sure how much power he did or didn’t have, but it was the most they could do. Jack stayed in the room and watched Cas.

    Now that the action was over, Dean had begun to space out rather than pay attention. Having an angel in control of his body felt a lot like watching a movie, where he could see and hear everything but not interact with it. It was weird, but not awful. In fact, Dean kind of liked having Cas so close and available. They didn’t have to communicate with words, just feelings and memories. The only part that had Dean on edge was Cas’ ability to dig through his mind. It would be effortless, on the angel’s part, to find out every little secret Dean had ever kept. Every thought or experience he’d had that no one needed to know about were accessible to Cas.

    But, Dean reminded himself, this was Cas. Dean trusted him, loved him, knew him. And Cas would let him have his privacy.

    Jack, on the other hand, had a curiosity bug. He was asking Cas a lot of questions that were making the angel uncomfortable. Dean, not paying enough attention, didn’t know what Jack was saying.

 _Tell him to go watch movies._ Dean thought, once Cas begged him for help on a question he didn’t know how to begin to answer.

    Dean hadn’t heard it, so he didn’t know either. Cas sent Jack out with the excuse that he needed to concentrate to complete the task in time to save his body from dying. It wasn’t really a lie, either, since Cas’ body had been lifeless for at least twenty minutes now. The healing process wasn’t fast, since Cas had so many wounds, as well as pieces of metal, in his flesh.

    Once he couldn’t find any more wounds, Cas brought Dean back from the recesses of his mind. Dean didn’t like the look of Cas’ body lying there, still and lifeless. It gave him chills. Cas sat next to it on the cot, pulled his  face up to Dean’s and opened Dean’s mouth.

    There was a rush of tingles through Dean’s body, then he regained feeling and control as Cas grace fled from his cells and back to its own. Dean’s vision went black and he could feel his blood pulsing again.

    Then everything stopped, and he opened his eyes. Cas was sitting up on the blood soaked cot, his right side pressed against Dean’s left. The angel was looking at every bit of skin to make sure he really had gotten all of the wounds. When he was satisfied, he turned his head and locked eyes with Dean. A soft smile played on the angel’s lips, and his expression softened.

“Will you be alright?”

    Dean wasn’t sure how to answer. Having to relive torturing Cas was still fresh on his mind, now that he wasn’t able to check out. Even meeting Cas’ gaze was becoming difficult. He felt so thoroughly horrified, so revolted by it, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever really get over. Hell, it had been nearly ten years since Cas had saved him from that fate and sometimes Dean _still_ had nightmares from it. He still had nightmares from beating Cas within an inch of his life just a year ago.

    No, he wasn’t alright.

“I don’t know.”

    Cas frowned. His eyes danced over Dean’s face for a moment, before he said as though reading Dean’s mind,

“I don’t blame you for anything that has happened to me. I’ve made all of my choices, and I’ve faced their consequences. Recently, my consequences seem to be falling on you. I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry for getting myself killed, then for getting trapped in Hell, and for—.”

“Cas. You’re here. That’s what matters.” Dean interrupted, not wanting Cas to blame himself for anything either.

    Cas seemed like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. Instead, he put his arms around Dean’s shoulders and brought him into an awkward hug which Dean returned. When they broke apart, Dean became aware of a fact that hadn’t really been important before.

“You need some clothes.” He chuckled.

    Dean went across the room to where robes were stored in a metal cabinet. He grabbed the first one on the pile which looked exactly like his, but it was white instead of grey. Cas took the robe and wrapped himself in it when Dean handed it to him, but he made no move to stand.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked, suddenly worried that Cas had missed some damage.

“Did you hear anything Jack asked me?” Cas squinted up at him.

“No.”

“He was asking some…invasive things, Dean. I didn’t know how to answer him.”

“Well, what did he say?” Dean asked, sitting on the cot next to Cas’.

“Well, the first thing he asked me was whether or not I loved you.”

“What did you say?” Dean asked when Cas paused.

“You know I love you, Dean.” Cas answered with a shrug, as though he were stating that the sky was blue. A warm feeling of happiness filled Dean’s body all the same.

“Then he asked if you and I are dating each other. He said he saw the…kissing and wanted to know what it meant, since he’d only seen couples on TV do that. Then he asked—.”

“Woa, woa. Hold up. What did you say to _that_?” Dean couldn’t help his surprise at how direct Jack had been, and he was curious to know what Cas had answered because…sometimes Dean didn’t know the answer himself.

    Cas gave him a look that implied he was an idiot.

“I told him ‘no’. Then he asked why not, because he’d felt how upset you were after I was killed, and he felt your longing while I was away. I told him,”

    Cas held up a hand to prevent Dean from interrupting him again while he continued,

“That it was complicated. _Then_ he asked what was holding us back. Which was when I asked you for help, and had him leave.”

    Dean wasn’t sure how to respond. Jack had brought up a subject he and Cas actively avoided discussing. They knew they mattered to one another in a way that was more than brotherhood, more than family. Some days Dean felt like the world was off balance when Cas wasn’t around. But they didn’t talk about it. Whatever was between them was delicate and felt like it would shatter if they didn’t step out of its way. Even he and Sam had only talked about it once.

    Which, Dean realized, was frankly ridiculous. He and Cas loved one another and should be _happy_ about it, not miserable. So what _was_ holding them back?

    It wasn’t Dean’s discomfort with Cas having a male vessel. The angel was more than he appeared in more ways than one, and Dean was bi anyway. It wasn’t that Cas was uncomfortable with Dean being male. Cas was indifferent to such things.

    No, it was Dean’s fear of losing Cas that made the subject feel like walking on eggshells. If they acknowledged this thing between them, Dean was terrified that their enemies would find out and use it against them more than they already did. Most of them just knew that Cas spent a disproportionate amount of time with the Winchesters but some had figured it out. Crowley had. Metatron had. Naomi had. Lucifer had. He and Cas had faced disastrous consequences from their enemies learning about their love. If everyone knew, Dean couldn’t imagine the horrors they’d face.

    Or, maybe he could. Because he’d already watched Cas die before his eyes five times. Each time his reaction to it got worse, yes, but the horror of losing Cas was something he’d lived. Torturing Cas was something he’d lived. Cas becoming human, physically weak and vulnerable, was something he’d lived. And if he’d already lived _through_ those experiences, why could he live _with_ the happy one of being open to Cas about his feelings?

“Dean?” Cas’ voice, tentative and quiet, brought Dean from his thoughts.

    He looked up from where he was staring at the floor to Cas’ face. The angel was patiently waiting for him to speak, but his face was downturned. He was probably expecting Dean to run from this conversation as he always did. But Dean had made up his mind, and he knew Cas would soon be smiling.

“Sam asked me once if I ever wanted more, like a relationship, with someone. Someone who understood the life, the risks, the _hell_ we live through. I’ve spent most of my life believing that I could never have that. That there was no way I could find someone who wouldn’t end up dead, hunter or not. But then, I fell in…”

    Dean took a steadying breath before saying,

“In love. And when Sam asked me that, I thought of you, Cas. ‘Cause you get it. This life, it’s yours, too. We’ve been through awful things and come out alright. I’ve just been so scared to lose you, that I…I’ve been afraid to love you.” 

    Cas regarded him for a moment, then nodded slightly.

“I’ve been afraid, too. You are the most important person in my life, Dean. I’m terrified of the day you die, because I don’t know…” Cas’ voice died in his throat.

    The angel was too overcome by the implication of his words to finish. He was talking about Dean’s mortality, which was something neither of them could save him from. Dean was comforted by the fact that Heaven was real and he would get to be with his family again. But Cas…the idea of Cas not being able to even visit him in Heaven had kept Dean up late on many occasions. The idea of permanently losing Cas…

    He was beginning to see a pattern in their fears.

“So, we’re both scared out of our minds. I think we need to stop using that as an excuse to be apart, and use it as an excuse to be together.”

“I agree.”

“Alright. So…what do we do now?” Dean asked, suddenly feeling awkward.

    He’d never had to have this kind of heart-to-heart before. It was exciting, but daunting. It wasn’t like they were going to go out and howl the development in their relationship to the moon. But they’d have to tell Sam, Mary, and Jack at some point. Sam and Jack would hardly have anything to say aside from congratulations. But Dean wondered how Mary would react. Maybe she’d understand that Cas was special, or maybe she would panic that one of her sons was queer. John had reacted with the later decades ago when Dean was in high school, so he was already prepared for it.

    Then, they either could decide to define their relationship as different, or just let it be. Dean didn’t want it to go unspoken. He was possessive over Cas and liked the idea of having some word to show that they were with one another. But that was a mutual decision.

“Well, I’ve heard that ‘partner’ is a common word. You might like it because it’s used by cowboys.” Cas mused.

    Dean’s face flushed, and he grinned. Cas was on the same page.

“Partner is perfect.”

    Cas stood, tied the rope around his waist to close the robe, then held out a hand to Dean. When he took it, Cas pulled their bodies together and put his arms behind Dean’s neck. Dean, deciding he may as well, put his hands on Cas’ hips. He could fee his heart thumping in his chest.

“Kiss me?” Cas asked, his voice quiet but demanding.

    Dean kissed him, making sure he was gentle so that neither of them were reminded of the violence from earlier. Cas smiled against his lips.

    When they broke apart, Dean saw that Cas’ pupils were blown wide.

“Next time,” the angel said gruffly, “We’ll move some furniture around.”

    Dean’s forehead landed on Cas’ as a laugh escaped him. He could hardly believe he’d heard Cas say that.

“What?” Cas asked, this eyes searching Dean’s for a clue about the joke he’d missed.

“You’re just…awesome.”

    Dean pulled Cas in for one more quick kiss, then they left the hospital room in search of Sam, Jack, and Mary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt it was best to just let it end. imagine a fade to black and the credits roll...the family still has a problem (*cough* lucifer *cough*) to deal with, but there's hope on the horizon


End file.
